At any rate, I find she usually gives pretty decent advice. Maybe that's because it's not hard to tell a crack head wondering if she should give up the rock before her baby is born that Yes, in fact, it is.
Anyway, today's question was from a grandmother writing in regarding her grown granddaughter's habit of opening gifts in the privacy of her own room. Apparently, she's been doing this since she was a little girl...taking her present and retreating to her room to open it and extending a thank you at a later time. Grandma is upset that she's still doing this now that she's no longer a little girl, but an "intelligent, attractive college student".
Understandably, Grandma is distressed by this behavior and feels cheated out of the joy she might derive from watching her loved one's face light up as she beholds the beautiful turquoise and yellow needlepoint tissue cover Grandma spent countless hours working on. When Granny asked her dear granddaughter why she did this, Sweet Pea's answer was simply, "I don't like to be watched while I open gifts." Huh. Slap. Say again?
Seems a little on the selfish side for someone on the receiving end of a gift, don'tcha think? Well, I thought. But, apparently Abby didn't.
This time Abby astounded me with her ever so delicate words of wisdom to Grandma:
"You are operating under the assumption that your granddaughter likes the gifts you have chosen. Has it occurred to you that she may take the gifts to open in private because she knows you are waiting for her reaction..."
Well, DUH, Abby. Isn't that what most of us are looking for when we give a gift? A reaction of some sort? I mean, beyond the selfless generosity behind gift giving, don'tcha think there would be far less of it if the giver never got anything in return? Like a REACTION.
I mean, I buy a gift because I want to put a smile on someone's face. And, while my giving is about them and their pleasure, it's also a little about me. Maybe I'm just particular, but I've got to say, when I stumbled upon the antique tea pot my best friend had spent years scouring flea market and antique stores to find, I would have been pretty perturbed with her if, when I excitedly gave it to her for her birthday, she'd excused herself to the other room to open it. I might not have acted on first instinct and smashed it into smithereens, but you can be damned sure it would have been the last time I would have given her more than a $20.00 gift card to Walmart.
See, in my house, the receiving of a gift is every bit as important...even more so, really...than the giving of one. From the time my children were old enough to tear the wrapping paper from birthday boxes on their own, they have been conditioned not only to say "thank you", but to do so with excitement and exaggerated appreciation.
I don't care if the gift turns out to be a brand new car or a roll of duct tape and a stick of chewing gum. After the party is over, you don't have to drive it, stick it or chew it if it's not your thing...but you'd better be thankful for it and you'd better damn well be gracious about it.
Never, in a million years would I allow my FIVE year old to wander to another room to open her gift and if my college aged daughter was doing it...well...she might find her gifts would start looking oddly familiar, like from her own room. Because, you know..."I don't like to be watched while I shop for gifts."
So, Abby...most of the time, even when your advice is a little dated and old fashioned, I'll give it to ya...but this time, I think you totally missed the boat.
And to Grandma: Next time a gift giving occasion comes up for little Miss Congeniality, send her off to her room with a gift wrapped box of Trident and shower the others with tickets to gay ol' Paree. When she asks why, just explain that you know how she feels about being the center of attention and Paris is *much* too sociable for a girl of her tastes.
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