Now, before anyone in my family freaks out, the Hogan I'm referring to is this guy:
the legendary retired wrestler from the 80's, Hulk Hogan.
Not to be confused with this guy:
the legendary retired teacher from the suburbs. One has fame and one has a brain.
Thank God, I grew up with the one with a brain.
Which is funny, because I remember back in the 80's, when I was a kid and a big wrestling fan...no, no, I was never a big wrestling fan. My bad. But I was a big attention whore with a tendency toward telling little white lies for the purpose of making my otherwise benign existence more impressive. Anyway, I remember friends actually asking me if I was related to Hulk Hogan. You know, Hogan being such an unusual name, it wasn't such a leap that a teenage girl from a small Kansas town (who wasn't even really a Hogan, by birth, to begin with) could be related to some middle aged wrestling star from Georgia. Right? And, heck. I figured if they were stupid enough to ask, then they'd be stupid enough to believe it. So, I always said..."Yep. He's my uncle. You want me to get you some tickets?" Thankfully, no one ever did.
So, nearly 30 years later, Hulk is still running in celebrity circles (or maybe it's just circles, I'm not sure). Anyway, if you've ever watched (which I really haven't) he went on to a new claim to fame after the dog days of wrestling...his own reality television show that centered on his family... including his son Nick and his dream to be a race car driver (kinda ironic given his poor driving record and short incarceration in the county jail for reckless driving), Hulk's older daughter Brooke, and her flailing attempts at a music career and their creepy father/daughter relationship (I don't know about you, but my dad NEVER, not even ONCE, rubbed suntan lotion on my ass -- not even in a "fatherly way"). And, finally, there's Linda, or there *was* Linda (she and Hulk are divorced now -- one of those crazy common side affects, I hear, of putting your life on television). I'm not sure what Linda's family contribution was, but I'm sure there was more than just her big boobs, bottle blonde hair and bad fashion? Who knows? I hear Linda's gone all Cougar now, and is hittin' the "barely legal" hotties. Doin' the nasty with some kid that went to school with Nick and Brooke, a year older than Nick and a year younger than Brooke. Sweetness. I know *my* kids would love their Mommy for that. Nothing makes you more popular in high school than having all your friends know that your Mom is doin' the high school quarterback.
Anyway, I've only caught bits and pieces of the show, never a full episode, really. So, I'm no expert. Probably shouldn't even be talkin' smack, really. And, I typically don't like to point fingers and call people stupid, something my mom taught me about stones and glass houses and all that. But, this morning I stumbled across a quote that I just couldn't leave alone. If you're going to say it, you gotta own it. And you gotta be prepared for the fall out that ensues. Here's to hopin' Brookie owns it...
In the shadow of the collapse of the Hogan family, in large part due to their reality show, I guess they thought a new show might heal the wounds. Some people never learn. Anyway, the media has begun promotions of the newest Hogan family debacle...Brooke Knows Best (which, apparently, she doesn't...because if she did...she'd probably have kept her mouth shut) and I caught this little quote on the Yahoo Homepage. Apparently, when a roommate on Brooke's new show asked her who she was going to vote for, she responded with this gem:
Oh, Brookie. Sweetie. Of course, you're not that into voting. Voting is politicts, it's knowledge, it's education, it's GROWN UP. We understand it's not shopping or sex or singing or parties. No one really expected you to be that into voting. We just didn't expect you to admit it.
And, while we're on the subject, if you're going to speak current events, you might want to be up to date on them. Because, Hillary Clinton (that's the woman who was running, in case you weren't aware) is no longer in the race. Nope dropped out back in June, I think. I know, "kinda crazy", isn't it? Good news is, hot flashes in the Oval Office and raging hormones in the West Wing no longer need to be of concern to you.
And honestly, you're young. There's a lot of time for you to figure out that it's not only women who have PMS. Get married. Ask your mom. Spend any length of time with a man and you'll find out they have mood swings every bit as much as any woman you know. I'd even be willing to bet President Bush has thrown the occasional temper tantrum and (given the state of our country right now) probably shed a tear or two.
So, Brooke, until you mature some...if you do...it's probably best to stick with what you know best...boys, music, parties and publicity. Leave the voting to those of us who meet the mental requirements to do so and, for the future, take these words of advice...
the legendary retired wrestler from the 80's, Hulk Hogan.
Not to be confused with this guy:
the legendary retired teacher from the suburbs. One has fame and one has a brain.
Thank God, I grew up with the one with a brain.
Which is funny, because I remember back in the 80's, when I was a kid and a big wrestling fan...no, no, I was never a big wrestling fan. My bad. But I was a big attention whore with a tendency toward telling little white lies for the purpose of making my otherwise benign existence more impressive. Anyway, I remember friends actually asking me if I was related to Hulk Hogan. You know, Hogan being such an unusual name, it wasn't such a leap that a teenage girl from a small Kansas town (who wasn't even really a Hogan, by birth, to begin with) could be related to some middle aged wrestling star from Georgia. Right? And, heck. I figured if they were stupid enough to ask, then they'd be stupid enough to believe it. So, I always said..."Yep. He's my uncle. You want me to get you some tickets?" Thankfully, no one ever did.
So, nearly 30 years later, Hulk is still running in celebrity circles (or maybe it's just circles, I'm not sure). Anyway, if you've ever watched (which I really haven't) he went on to a new claim to fame after the dog days of wrestling...his own reality television show that centered on his family... including his son Nick and his dream to be a race car driver (kinda ironic given his poor driving record and short incarceration in the county jail for reckless driving), Hulk's older daughter Brooke, and her flailing attempts at a music career and their creepy father/daughter relationship (I don't know about you, but my dad NEVER, not even ONCE, rubbed suntan lotion on my ass -- not even in a "fatherly way"). And, finally, there's Linda, or there *was* Linda (she and Hulk are divorced now -- one of those crazy common side affects, I hear, of putting your life on television). I'm not sure what Linda's family contribution was, but I'm sure there was more than just her big boobs, bottle blonde hair and bad fashion? Who knows? I hear Linda's gone all Cougar now, and is hittin' the "barely legal" hotties. Doin' the nasty with some kid that went to school with Nick and Brooke, a year older than Nick and a year younger than Brooke. Sweetness. I know *my* kids would love their Mommy for that. Nothing makes you more popular in high school than having all your friends know that your Mom is doin' the high school quarterback.
Anyway, I've only caught bits and pieces of the show, never a full episode, really. So, I'm no expert. Probably shouldn't even be talkin' smack, really. And, I typically don't like to point fingers and call people stupid, something my mom taught me about stones and glass houses and all that. But, this morning I stumbled across a quote that I just couldn't leave alone. If you're going to say it, you gotta own it. And you gotta be prepared for the fall out that ensues. Here's to hopin' Brookie owns it...
In the shadow of the collapse of the Hogan family, in large part due to their reality show, I guess they thought a new show might heal the wounds. Some people never learn. Anyway, the media has begun promotions of the newest Hogan family debacle...Brooke Knows Best (which, apparently, she doesn't...because if she did...she'd probably have kept her mouth shut) and I caught this little quote on the Yahoo Homepage. Apparently, when a roommate on Brooke's new show asked her who she was going to vote for, she responded with this gem:
"You know what? I am actually not that much into voting. I think it's kinda crazy that a woman is running, because I think that women deal with a lot of emotions and menopause and PMS and stuff. Like, I'm so moody all the time, I know I couldn't be able to run a country, 'cause I'd be crying one day and yelling at people the next day, ya know?"
Oh, Brookie. Sweetie. Of course, you're not that into voting. Voting is politicts, it's knowledge, it's education, it's GROWN UP. We understand it's not shopping or sex or singing or parties. No one really expected you to be that into voting. We just didn't expect you to admit it.
And, while we're on the subject, if you're going to speak current events, you might want to be up to date on them. Because, Hillary Clinton (that's the woman who was running, in case you weren't aware) is no longer in the race. Nope dropped out back in June, I think. I know, "kinda crazy", isn't it? Good news is, hot flashes in the Oval Office and raging hormones in the West Wing no longer need to be of concern to you.
And honestly, you're young. There's a lot of time for you to figure out that it's not only women who have PMS. Get married. Ask your mom. Spend any length of time with a man and you'll find out they have mood swings every bit as much as any woman you know. I'd even be willing to bet President Bush has thrown the occasional temper tantrum and (given the state of our country right now) probably shed a tear or two.
So, Brooke, until you mature some...if you do...it's probably best to stick with what you know best...boys, music, parties and publicity. Leave the voting to those of us who meet the mental requirements to do so and, for the future, take these words of advice...
"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt".
